10th grade – I knew him; the only boy allowed in my house without supervision
11th grade – I knew him; OFMG! My Dad likes him. WTF?
12th grade – I hated his girlfriend; we didn’t talk much.

I never knew of him ‘til those years, but he was always in my sight since elementary school.

The summer after we graduated we tried to hook-up; but he had just broke up with is girlfriend. So I was the rebound. But we kissed. And I wanted more, but he was going a way to school.

I worked for a year after we graduated. And after much debate with my mom about what school I was to go to, I ended up at Savannah College of Art and Design. My 1st choice was Pratt Institute; was I crazy for even asking to go? I didn’t even get a chance to explain that it was at the time, (don’t know if it still is) one of the number one art schools. But I got a big fat N N N O O O O O !New York; H E L L N O! But we have family there! It doesn’t matter, N O!

So anyways I want to SCAD in 2000 – he had a girlfriend; whom I don’t know was his girlfriend ‘til 3 months later. But I guess that didn’t really matter because I was with that person that stocked me. Which turned out that neither one of them like each other and that was the reason for the silent treatment.

You should know the story after this if you’ve read any of my blog. If not here’s a quick run down:

o Left SCAD 2001 (thanksgiving) – parents got divorced; really just separated.

o 2001- mid – late 2003 - is a complete mystery; I don’t know what I did (except for the big events); blazed and dazed?

If you wanna know more you have to read my blog form the beginning.

2003-

2003 is the year he saved me. They saved me. And I plummeted into LOVE! WOW! That’s really the only thing I can say to explain it best. I never ever ever ever in my life felt like this. I didn’t care that he had a girl. I wanted him for myself and myself only and I made sure that he knew that.

I don’t think that he though I was serious up until a year ago. I told him that I wanted to have he baby even if we ever never together. I told him that I always wanted to have a piece of him. It made my heart brake to even think that he would never be mine and I would have to take care of his child with out him by my side.

I cried a lot; it felt like I was going to be lonely and miserable for the rest of my life. There was only one person that I loved and wanted in my life. Nobody else could get the time of day for me to even think I would want to be with them. You know what the funny thing is; as much as I told men that I didn’t want them is seemed to make then want me more.

This a little off subject, but; I worked at a retail store where, when you bought stuff you had to put you home phone number in the system. Would you believe because I wouldn’t give out my number my male co-workers would go in the system and call my house! WTF! And an even crazier thing; I never ever realized that I was desirable . I always got made fun of in school and I guess that just made me continue to look down on myself as an adult.

To be Cont’d: He Took my offer. But give me a little more?