Have you ever had a panic attack?

a feeling of imminent danger or doom;
the need to escape;
palpitations;
sweating;
trembling;
shortness of breath or a smothering feeling;
a feeling of choking;
chest pain or discomfort;
nausea or abdominal discomfort;
dizziness or lightheadedness;
a sense of things being unreal, depersonalization;
a fear of losing control or "going crazy";
a fear of dying;
tingling sensations; chills or hot flushes.

The 1st time I had one, it came out the the blue. The doctors told me that I'd be fine and the gave me a prescription, then sent me home. The funny thing about when and where I had the panic attack; well I guess it wasn't really funny, but I was at work. I took of two days after that to go back andwere all types of rumors going around. It only made me mad and made me have more panic attack.

I had a fear every night that I wouldn't wake up. So there were weeks where I didn't go to sleep. I was in a relationship that shouldn't have been, and everyday with that person became unbearable. There were times when I actually wanted to beat them until my hand could hit no more. And there were time when I actually tried to do it.(sad to say)

I wasn't the same person at that point. I had no dreams, I felt nothing but pain, angry and worry. I was a walking zombie. I did want I had to do to pay my bills and that was it. I talked to no one, I lost my friends and as far as I was concerned my relationship was over. I just didn't give a damn.

Oh my 22nd birthday, my sister talked me into going to my grandmother's house and celebrated her 66th. Cool I thought I'll go, and I'll take this person. (don't want to say any name)

I should have known it was a bad idea from the start. Before we could even get on the road to travel, I got a flat. I don't really have the money to get it fixed but I did. And I just wasn't happy about the idea of going any more.

So anyways we get there and it's like 7 at night and everyone is already partying. I felt over whelmed and figured if I get a drink in me I'll feel better. NOPE. That Night my 22nd birthday a year past the legal age to drink, I drank a beer and that was it. The person I came with, drink any and I mean everything they could get their hands on. And that's when I really knew it was a bad idea to come.

2am in the morning, most people are gone , except my aunt, her husband, my sister, and the person I came with. MY grandma is sleep. MY sister is trying to get a piece of cake, and ends up knocking it over on to my grandma's newly carpeted cream colored floor. The person I came with and my aunts husband are in a heated debate(over chicken). The decision is made to pull out the vacuum and clean the carpet, so grandma wouldn't have to for when she gets up...

The carpet is clean and you'd never know anything dropped on it, the vacuum goes off, and all you here is fist fitting skin and my aunt trying to brake up what start with the person I came with and her husband. And guess what it all start with my person.

I was appalled, this was the 1st time he's been in the presence of my family and he had the nerve to call someone in my family out of there name and them put his hands on him. My jaw is dropped and and all you can hear and see is people yell and pushing him out the door.

He's out. 230am in the morning the end of September in Pennylvania. He asked me where he's going to sleep, don't know, and if he could get he's stuff out my car. And then, "HOW could you let your family do this to me? "

WTF? Why did he say that, I snapped. He said more things that shouldn't have come out his mouth. I began to throw blows. He said more. My sister is trying to pull me off of him, and neighbors are coming out there houses. My family and people I didn't even know are literally pulling me down the street and I screaming back How much, I hate you.

He stayed out side that night, and to this day I have no idea where he's at. I did so much for him. I actually loved (now I know I didn't) him with all my heart and when I sit back and think about some of the things we went through. I was just stupid for not seeing how much he was playing me. You know it's said that you shouldn't hate anyone, because hate is such a harsh word. But I can actually say I hate this person from the button of my heart. And can only pray that GOD will forgive me for my hatred.

One funny thing before I end this part. When my dad found out that I was't seeing this person any more...he called the whole family to express his happiness.

To Be cont'd: He SAVED me